Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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