plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let the clothes fall where they may.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
