But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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