last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
