I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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