I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
