i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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