Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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