I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
