im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
