I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
