Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
