Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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