at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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