All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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