I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
