I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
