Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
