my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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