And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
