If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
