Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
