I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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