There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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