it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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