my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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