i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
