garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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