Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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