Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
