My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
