It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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