Christians are straight up FREAKS
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
