Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
