I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
