wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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