i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
