No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
