isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
