I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
