Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
