Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
