I will die if light touches me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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