did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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