dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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