oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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