sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
