you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
