hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
