Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
