this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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