Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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